being willing and ready

As a testimony to the work God has done in me (and in the other participants of the Justice Project as they have similar stories), I just want to share about my experience in giving.

In my natural self, I'm not much of a giver. I grew up with a giving sister and I married a giving man, so whenever I am with them, I am aware and ready that they may stop at any point and talk to someone, give someone something, or just do whatever it is that the Holy Spirit is telling them to do. However, I was never the one who would stop. Yet over the past few years, God has slowly been changing me. As I've prayed for Him to show me His "treasures", to make me sensitive to those around me, and to help me be willing and ready to do what He wants, I've become a new person. I now see the homeless. I'm aware of the fact that I may give up my lunch, may have to stop and say something, may have to give away the money in my wallet. I'm no longer going about my busy day in a rush, but I'm mindful that there might be someone that God wants to touch. And granted, I don't always get it right. I miss it a lot. However, when I do hit the mark, I'm always amazed at how blessed I am.

Today was one of those days when I actually hit the mark. :) My toddler and I were out doing our weekly grocery shopping. I knew how much money we had to spend, how we would need to purchase enough to last us the next 9 days, and how we were on a time clock as my boy would be needing a nap. So we hit our first stop, did our shopping, loaded the car, and as we were pulling out of the parking lot, there was a man with a sign that said "food or money for food needed". And we all see these signs everywhere; especially with jobs and finances being hard to come by for many right now. But this time was different. This time I knew I had to stop and give him something. So my brain quickly searched through the list of items that I had just bought. I had plenty of food but nothing suitable to give a man with a backpack. What good would a gallon of milk or a green pepper do the guy? I had no cash on me either. So I prayed about what to do. I thought about buying him a sandwich, then another thought came to me, and I knew it was the right idea. So I decided to head to my next stop and get some cash from the ATM. My boy and I ran in the shop, quickly grabbed the remainder of groceries that we needed, ran to the ATM, then prayed that the man would still be there. We drove back to where we had come from, and yes, he was still there. He was on the opposite side of the street, so I pulled into the other lane, rolled down my window, and frantically waved at him to hurry and come get it. He kindly thanked me, said "God bless you," and I drove off.

And funnily enough, I cried as I drove home. Mainly because I'm just so blessed to be a child of God, to hear His voice, and to obey. Being obedient is such a blessing!! But secondly, I know what it's like to not have money for groceries. I know what it feels like to say, "Lord, we need this amount of money to pay our bills." And I know what it feels like when someone blesses you. Not just by giving you a buck or by saying, "hey, I'll pray for you," but really blesses you!! How can I be out buying groceries to stock my fridge when someone else doesn't have enough to even buy something to eat? How can I not give? Yes, it took part of my grocery money to give to this man, but you know what, who cares.

Lastly, I just want to say that I used to be someone who judged those who stood on the street corners with their signs. I used to assume that they'd spend whatever money I'd give them on alcohol or cigarettes or whatever. But now, I've realized that it's not up to me to judge. It's up to me to obey whatever the Holy Spirit is telling me to do. That's all that concerns me. I do what He says and go on my day. I hope and pray that the man was able to get a good meal tonight and that his life is somehow touched. But all I really know is that I was obedient, and that's what I was responsible to do.

I'm so thankful for the love and grace of God in that He has changed me into someone who can now freely give. The love of the Father has blessed me so much today. And I hope He's blessed you, and others through you, today.